Today, I decided to write a really silly entries about food that I like ... to be honest, noone will be interested but it is kind of fun to make piles and piles of lists, which no one will read, except yourself a few years down the line ... always interesting to note how one has changed and the constancy in oneself can be reassuring too ...
So here it goes:
sushi in any form, except Octopus ones ... (and also unsure about all the raw and exotic fishes which I haven't tried)
tempura - how can anyone say "no" to that?!?
pasta in pretty much any sauce ~ I haven't found one which I don't like, but my favourite is probably spaghetti wrapped in a paper, with seafood and tomato sauce (I should pretend to be posh and use its Italian name, but sadly, my Italian is limited to "Ciao") ...
noodles - fried, in big swimmingly bowl, with way too much sauce (yep, some of you have seen me eating this one, and looked on in disbelief!), Pad Thai ... I can literally survive on noodles ...
dim-sum ~ except chicken feet ... some people will say that I am not Chinesey enough, but I just hate that thing ...
Shanghai cuisine & peking duck
chips ... sometimes, I just have to have it, no matter what I am having for the main course ... I quite like steaks & burgers too, especially when it is cold and rainy outside ...
chocolates, especially Green & Black Almonds ~ definitely saw me through finals!
ice-creams; Hagen Daze ~ I love to indulge myself at Hagen Daze at Leicester Square (I think I have taken most of my friends there!) ... the thought of walking in there with soooo many ice-cream to choose from is just sooo comforting ~ it is a bit liked Tiffany to Holly Golightly, although that is way more classy!
tea - absolutely adore it, earl grey, lady grey, strawberries, mint, mango, green, apple, jasminie etc etc, but I don't like Bush tea ... hmm ... and proper chinese tea (way too strong!)
cakes, of course chocolates one, closely followed by carrot cakes, cookies, banana bread, flap-jacks ... I also like crumbles ... basically, I will never say "no" to desert, unless it is sour!?!?
fishes - again, any kind, unless they are too meaty or bony ... also, love lobster, crab, prawns ... basically most seafood, except octopus & squid - I don't like chewy stuffs!
soups - I really like Covent Garden ones ~ it has recently become one of my stable diet during on-call, for lunch, and if I am too tired to cook ...
curries as long as it is not spicy; Indian, Thai, Japanese, Chinese ...
Basically, I eat everything ... just in case that you are planning to cook for me :)
May 2012
A slight update, as I have become a pescatarian since June last year. I actually can still eat most food on the list, except for peking duck and certain dim sum ... These are some foods I have found along the way ...
Butter squash and cranberries, courtesy of Whole Food
Quinoa salad
Frozen yoghurt with lots and lots of toppings
A prawn dish at Gambia ... the chef at the hotel felt sorry for my pescatarian status and just cooked me this gorgeous dish out of the blue!
22 September 2007
17 September 2007
Is love enough?
... is a question I have been reflecting on recently ... if you have asked me about it a month ago, I would have echoed the whole room with a resounding "yes" ... but recently, I have had my doubts. One of the most fascinating aspects of psychiatry is that you are constantly confront with real life, but sometimes, the pains involved can be more than one can bear ...
I was on-call the other day, and at around 5am, I was bleeped by A&E about another overdosed patient (it is staggering the number of overdoses we see a day, so many unhappy people out there). Maybe it is the early morning - everything seems surreal in the hospital around that time ... but my joyful feeling zipped out of me the moment I laid eyes on her ... Yet, no matter how they make you feel, they are patients at the end of the day, so the psychatiry interview began ...
My patient overdosed on 40 antixiolytic, her 2nd attempts in less than 2 months. She adores her husband and children, and worries and loves were clearly written on their faces when they came to see her in the morning ... But all these are not enough to hold her back from the brim of darkness which has descended among her ... maybe sometimes, love is just not enough ... maybe William Somerset Maugham is right when he said "The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned." ...
I was on-call the other day, and at around 5am, I was bleeped by A&E about another overdosed patient (it is staggering the number of overdoses we see a day, so many unhappy people out there). Maybe it is the early morning - everything seems surreal in the hospital around that time ... but my joyful feeling zipped out of me the moment I laid eyes on her ... Yet, no matter how they make you feel, they are patients at the end of the day, so the psychatiry interview began ...
My patient overdosed on 40 antixiolytic, her 2nd attempts in less than 2 months. She adores her husband and children, and worries and loves were clearly written on their faces when they came to see her in the morning ... But all these are not enough to hold her back from the brim of darkness which has descended among her ... maybe sometimes, love is just not enough ... maybe William Somerset Maugham is right when he said "The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned." ...
08 September 2007
understanding those around you ...
... are difficult and I was talking about it to a friend today (well, I was ranting and he was listening!) ... We all aspire to understand our friends, our families, our loved ones, but can we? The amazing thing about being a Psychiatrist is that you gain access into people's lives and minds; they will tell you things which no one else knows; good and bad things (although to be honest, it is mainly the latter) painful events which happened in the past, unrequited love, their fears, their dreams ... sometimes, you talk to those closet to the patients, and they would not have a clue ... the patient could be ill for ages, and they would not have noticed or knew ...
That is not because they do not care, but how much we understand someone depends on how much the other person is willing to reveal ... and also, depends on our past experience, knowledge and emotions, as together, they will affect our ability to interpret the other person's actions, ideas, and ultimately our understanding of them ...
Alas, "If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be (~ William Allen White)” will be a good starting point.
That is not because they do not care, but how much we understand someone depends on how much the other person is willing to reveal ... and also, depends on our past experience, knowledge and emotions, as together, they will affect our ability to interpret the other person's actions, ideas, and ultimately our understanding of them ...
Alas, "If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be (~ William Allen White)” will be a good starting point.
07 September 2007
Pablo Neruda ...
... I am going through one of my phases which I start to get obsessed with a poet ... this is another peom by Pablo Neruda which I love ... now I wish that I have paid more attention during my Spanish lesson, instead of getting a "D" in my GCSE mock and all I can say is "Hola. Me ilamo Carol. Vivo en Londres" ... it must be absolutely stunning in Spanish ...
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
05 September 2007
The Dead Woman ...
... by Pablo Neruda, is a poem quoted in "Truly, Madly, Deeply", which pretty much sums up this bittersweet film ....
"If suddenly you do not exist,
if suddenly you no longer live,
I shall go on living.
I do not dare,
I do not dare to write it,
if you die.
I shall go on living.
For where a man has no voice,
there, my voice.
Where blacks are beaten,
I cannot be dead.
When my brothers go to prison
I shall go with them.
When victory,
not my victory,
but the great victory
comes,
even though I am mute I must speak;
I shall see it come even though I am blind.
No, forgive me.
If you no longer live,
if you, beloved, my love,
if you
have died,
all the leaves will fall in my breast,
it will rain on my soul night and day,
the snow will burn my heart,
I shall walk with frost and fire and death and snow,
my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but
I shall stay alive,
because above all things
you wanted me indomitable,
and, my love, because you know that I am not only a man
but all mankind."
"If suddenly you do not exist,
if suddenly you no longer live,
I shall go on living.
I do not dare,
I do not dare to write it,
if you die.
I shall go on living.
For where a man has no voice,
there, my voice.
Where blacks are beaten,
I cannot be dead.
When my brothers go to prison
I shall go with them.
When victory,
not my victory,
but the great victory
comes,
even though I am mute I must speak;
I shall see it come even though I am blind.
No, forgive me.
If you no longer live,
if you, beloved, my love,
if you
have died,
all the leaves will fall in my breast,
it will rain on my soul night and day,
the snow will burn my heart,
I shall walk with frost and fire and death and snow,
my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but
I shall stay alive,
because above all things
you wanted me indomitable,
and, my love, because you know that I am not only a man
but all mankind."
21 August 2007
Carol Ann Duffy ...
... is a poet who I read when I was a teenager, and I adored her ... But I haven't come across her again until today, when I found "Rapture" in a tiny bookshop at South Kensington. It was captivating, mostly in its simplicity and heart-aching beauty ...
World
"On the other side of the world,
you pass the moon to me,
like a loving cup,
or a quaich,
I roll you the sun.
I go to bed,
as you are getting up
on the other side of the world.
You have scattered the stars
towards me here, like seeds
in the earth.
All through the night,
I have sent you
bunches, bouquets of cloud
to the other side of the world;
so my love will be shade
where you are,
and yours,
as I turn in my sleep,
the bud of a star."
Give
"Give me, you said, on our very first night,
the forest. I rose from the bed and went out,
and when I returned, you listened, enthralled,
to the shadowy story I told.
Give me the river,
you asked the next night, then I'll love you forever.
I slipped from your arms and was gone,
and when I came back, you listened, at dawn,
to the glittering story I told.
Give me, you said, the gold
from the sun. A third time, I got up and dressed,
and when I came home, you sprawled on my breast
for the dazzling story I told.
Give me
the hedgerows, give me the fields.
I slid from the warmth of our sheets,
and when I returned, to kiss you from sleep,
you stirred at the story I told.
Give me the silvery cold
of the moon. I pulled on my boots and coat,
but when I came back, moonlight on your throat
outshone the pale story I told.
Give me, you howled,
on our sixth night together, the wind in the trees.
You turned to the wall as I left,
and when I came home, I saw you were deaf
to the blustering story I told.
Give me the sky, all the space
it can hold. I left you, the last night we loved,
and when I returned, you were gone with the gold,
and the silver, the river, the forest, the fields,
and this is the story I've told."
World
"On the other side of the world,
you pass the moon to me,
like a loving cup,
or a quaich,
I roll you the sun.
I go to bed,
as you are getting up
on the other side of the world.
You have scattered the stars
towards me here, like seeds
in the earth.
All through the night,
I have sent you
bunches, bouquets of cloud
to the other side of the world;
so my love will be shade
where you are,
and yours,
as I turn in my sleep,
the bud of a star."
Give
"Give me, you said, on our very first night,
the forest. I rose from the bed and went out,
and when I returned, you listened, enthralled,
to the shadowy story I told.
Give me the river,
you asked the next night, then I'll love you forever.
I slipped from your arms and was gone,
and when I came back, you listened, at dawn,
to the glittering story I told.
Give me, you said, the gold
from the sun. A third time, I got up and dressed,
and when I came home, you sprawled on my breast
for the dazzling story I told.
Give me
the hedgerows, give me the fields.
I slid from the warmth of our sheets,
and when I returned, to kiss you from sleep,
you stirred at the story I told.
Give me the silvery cold
of the moon. I pulled on my boots and coat,
but when I came back, moonlight on your throat
outshone the pale story I told.
Give me, you howled,
on our sixth night together, the wind in the trees.
You turned to the wall as I left,
and when I came home, I saw you were deaf
to the blustering story I told.
Give me the sky, all the space
it can hold. I left you, the last night we loved,
and when I returned, you were gone with the gold,
and the silver, the river, the forest, the fields,
and this is the story I've told."
20 August 2007
Albert Camus ...
... When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.
~ one of the most intense philosophers from the West, but with some original ideas and to-the-point analysis of human natures (albeit towards the dark side) ...
~ one of the most intense philosophers from the West, but with some original ideas and to-the-point analysis of human natures (albeit towards the dark side) ...
14 August 2007
The kite runner ...
... by Khaled Hosseini is a pretty amazing book. Every page spurs you onto the next, but it is an intense and emotionally draining run. It is about a Pashtun boy (Amir) and his relationship with his father (Baba) and childhood Hazaran "friend" (Hassan), set in the turbulent time of Afghanistan. It is about about love that doesn't count the costs, about the haunting nature of unforgettable memory, about the everyday sweetness of an innocent childhood, about years of hidden secrets, about forgiveness to others and yourself, about goods vs evils ... One of the most touching aspects of the book is that despite how flawed each character is, there is so much goodness in them, so much capacity to love, and how hard they try to love, to be good ... Some people think that it is a book about redemption (to rectify a mistake, "a way to be good again"), but if one bases the sole motivation of Amir bringing Sohrab back to America on that, it lessens the importance of the act. Ultimately, there is more at work than gulit in ones' live ~ our human desire for kindness and love, to bring joy and happiness to those around us, and maybe even a "for you, a thousand times over" person ...
10 August 2007
Hope ...
... is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune ~ without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
~ Emily Dickinson
Sometimes, we all need something to hold onto ... but I adore the last sentence ~ hope never demands anything from us, but faith in those around you, in the world, in goodness, in love and ultimately, in God ...
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune ~ without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
~ Emily Dickinson
Sometimes, we all need something to hold onto ... but I adore the last sentence ~ hope never demands anything from us, but faith in those around you, in the world, in goodness, in love and ultimately, in God ...
04 August 2007
being happy ...
... is kinda strange, or to be precise, people's perception of your happiness. This week, I got voted as the happiest house-officer at my hosptial and had a call from my old SHO (my immediate boss) who was really sweet and said that "thank you for being so happy". I was speechless on both occasions, as the last 7 months has probably been one of the hardest time I have ever experienced (those of you who know me will say that I have a easy life, but there you are). The interesting thing is that there is nothing I can pinpoint as the precipitating cause, although many factors can be identified as perpetuating factors ... somehow, I was just lost in the midst of my hectic life, drifting along, and not quite sure what is going on ...
... it is not that I am depressed, or sad, and most days, I am content, but deep within, a clouds has descended into my horizon, with rainy showers every once-in-a-while to obscure the view ... Yet, as one of my friends said that you only learn when you are challenged ... and I have gained alot along the way, about responsibilty, myself, my weakness, my faith, what matters, what I want, what I don't want, the reality, the world with all its goodness and sadness ... and there is still so much to learn ... In a way, some would argue that you can only truly embrace happiness, when you know what is on the other side of the rainbow ...
... it is not that I am depressed, or sad, and most days, I am content, but deep within, a clouds has descended into my horizon, with rainy showers every once-in-a-while to obscure the view ... Yet, as one of my friends said that you only learn when you are challenged ... and I have gained alot along the way, about responsibilty, myself, my weakness, my faith, what matters, what I want, what I don't want, the reality, the world with all its goodness and sadness ... and there is still so much to learn ... In a way, some would argue that you can only truly embrace happiness, when you know what is on the other side of the rainbow ...
28 July 2007
Reinhold Niebuhr says ...
Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
... such a hope ... especially late at night, when you worry and worry, with regrets upon regrets about things you could have said, or done, or at least attempted to do, it is comforting to know that there is always hope of forgiveness ...
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
... such a hope ... especially late at night, when you worry and worry, with regrets upon regrets about things you could have said, or done, or at least attempted to do, it is comforting to know that there is always hope of forgiveness ...
22 July 2007
If ...
... I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.
~ Claudia Ghandi
Beautiful for a summer evening ~ let your thoughts wander as you walk and walk ...
~ Claudia Ghandi
Beautiful for a summer evening ~ let your thoughts wander as you walk and walk ...
10 July 2007
Moon River ...
... "Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me ...
from "Breakfast at Tiffany" ... I have read the book and the film is kinda different to it, but still pretty awesome ...
Some of my favourite romantic films: Amelie, Annie Hall, Before sunset-after sunrise, Casablanca, Cyrano de Bergerac, Emma, Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, Manhattan, Notting Hill, Sliding doors, The English Patients, Wuthering Heights (B&W) ... & of course, Breakfast at Tiffany ... that is the list for now ...
5 Sept 07: I have to add "The science of sleep" and "Truly, madly, deeply". The later combines cello and poetry ... do I need to say anymore?
21 Sept 07: "Atonement, Atonement, Atonement" - absolutely gorgeous ... also, I forgot "Shadowland" ...
19 Jan 08: "Brief encounter" - British rail, doctor, honours ...
23 Feb 08: "An affair to remember" and "sleepless in Seattle" allow Empire State Building to take on a whole different meaning ...
26 Feb 08: "Once" - if you have ever wanted a piano, lived in the land of possibility, and having love so close within your grasp, you cannot not fall in love with it ...
8 May 08: "Serendipity" - with Love in the time of Cholera, the cube game and lots of coincidences ... but "Sabrina" is just awesome; Paris, falling in love unawarely ...
2008: "Wall-E" and Eve ... the scene of him holding an umbrella over her after she went "quiet" is so tender that is beyond words ...
31 July 09: "The Reader" - an intense love affair, with lots of hidden and unexplained secrets, but it does involve reading aloud classic literature ...
6 Oct 09: "Up" is a Pixar movie, a love letter from a husband to his beloved wife, illustrating Erikson's last stage of human development - "Integrity verse Despair" with balloons, dreams, and broken promises ...
11 July 09: "Bright Star" has poets, letters, doomed love affairs, English summer, lavenders ...
3 August 10: "Inception" is beyond amazing; dreams, delusions, growing old ...
18 August 10: "Ponyo" is an animation, and a little sugary, but it does have a mermaid, the sea, and innocence ...
8 Oct 10: "The secret in their eyes" (El Secreto De Sus Ojos) is beautiful with "Te Mo" to "Te A Mo" ...
30 Oct 10: "Secuestro express" is utterly compelling with its moral ambiguities, in a background of social injustice ...
4 Jan 2011: "Catfish" is an alternative sad love story in the facebook world ...
21 Jan 2011: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" is about death, ageing, love within a paradigm, things lost and found along the way ...
21 Sept 2011: "Nuovo cinema Paradiso" is a homage to film, full of nostalgia for the past, as it views all that have been lost through a magical lens ...
11 Dec 2011: "In the moon of love" longing to be loved, to be understood, to be held ...
13 Jan 2012: The scene of he and she meeting on the staircase from "The Artist" is breathtaking ...
4 August 2012: ""Umberto D" is not straightly a romantic film but for me it is probably a poignant love letter to a battered life in its own strange little way ...
18 November 2012: "La peau douce" (The soft skin/Silken Skin) is about the devastating consequence of an affairs of the heart ...
22 Nov 2012: "De rouille et d'os" (Rust and bone) is about finding love within yourself, in others and at the most unlikely places when things seem hopeless ...
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me ...
from "Breakfast at Tiffany" ... I have read the book and the film is kinda different to it, but still pretty awesome ...
Some of my favourite romantic films: Amelie, Annie Hall, Before sunset-after sunrise, Casablanca, Cyrano de Bergerac, Emma, Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, Manhattan, Notting Hill, Sliding doors, The English Patients, Wuthering Heights (B&W) ... & of course, Breakfast at Tiffany ... that is the list for now ...
5 Sept 07: I have to add "The science of sleep" and "Truly, madly, deeply". The later combines cello and poetry ... do I need to say anymore?
21 Sept 07: "Atonement, Atonement, Atonement" - absolutely gorgeous ... also, I forgot "Shadowland" ...
19 Jan 08: "Brief encounter" - British rail, doctor, honours ...
23 Feb 08: "An affair to remember" and "sleepless in Seattle" allow Empire State Building to take on a whole different meaning ...
26 Feb 08: "Once" - if you have ever wanted a piano, lived in the land of possibility, and having love so close within your grasp, you cannot not fall in love with it ...
8 May 08: "Serendipity" - with Love in the time of Cholera, the cube game and lots of coincidences ... but "Sabrina" is just awesome; Paris, falling in love unawarely ...
2008: "Wall-E" and Eve ... the scene of him holding an umbrella over her after she went "quiet" is so tender that is beyond words ...
31 July 09: "The Reader" - an intense love affair, with lots of hidden and unexplained secrets, but it does involve reading aloud classic literature ...
6 Oct 09: "Up" is a Pixar movie, a love letter from a husband to his beloved wife, illustrating Erikson's last stage of human development - "Integrity verse Despair" with balloons, dreams, and broken promises ...
11 July 09: "Bright Star" has poets, letters, doomed love affairs, English summer, lavenders ...
3 August 10: "Inception" is beyond amazing; dreams, delusions, growing old ...
18 August 10: "Ponyo" is an animation, and a little sugary, but it does have a mermaid, the sea, and innocence ...
8 Oct 10: "The secret in their eyes" (El Secreto De Sus Ojos) is beautiful with "Te Mo" to "Te A Mo" ...
30 Oct 10: "Secuestro express" is utterly compelling with its moral ambiguities, in a background of social injustice ...
4 Jan 2011: "Catfish" is an alternative sad love story in the facebook world ...
21 Jan 2011: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" is about death, ageing, love within a paradigm, things lost and found along the way ...
21 Sept 2011: "Nuovo cinema Paradiso" is a homage to film, full of nostalgia for the past, as it views all that have been lost through a magical lens ...
11 Dec 2011: "In the moon of love" longing to be loved, to be understood, to be held ...
13 Jan 2012: The scene of he and she meeting on the staircase from "The Artist" is breathtaking ...
4 August 2012: ""Umberto D" is not straightly a romantic film but for me it is probably a poignant love letter to a battered life in its own strange little way ...
18 November 2012: "La peau douce" (The soft skin/Silken Skin) is about the devastating consequence of an affairs of the heart ...
22 Nov 2012: "De rouille et d'os" (Rust and bone) is about finding love within yourself, in others and at the most unlikely places when things seem hopeless ...
a trip down memory lane ...
... was my experience at good old Cam the other day ... I think it was the first time I have properly visited Cam since I left four years ago ... I walked past so many places which held dear memories for me ~ Lensfield Road, Downing, Cafe Rouge, Christ's Piece; seeing my old anatomy tutor back in the dissection room, listening to his talk to prospective students in our old anatomy lecture hall ... the formaldehyde smell still hit you when you open the door ...
It really bought home as to how different you have become ... Changes happen subtlety; whether you want it to, or not. Revisiting places makes you realise what you have lost and gained. Ultimately, people come and go, but as the song in Wicked said;
"That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn, and we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return"
We can only pray that we have been changed for good ... and for those we have lost, we can always remember all the happiness they have created in our lives, all the goodness they have bought into our worlds, and all the ideas and thoughts they have generated in our heads ...
One thing I do know for certain is that 6 years of medical school has taught me something, as I can finally understand and answer the anatomy questions my old tutor asked! (confession: they were really simple, but hey, it is a start! :)
To those of you who read my blog: A few of you have mentioned the depressing nature of my blog ~ thank you for still reading my little blog, despite the not-so-cheerful content. I don't know why it is so sad sometimes, but I have had a lot on my mind this year, and it reflects that. Writing a blog is ultimately self-indulging, as I can write whatever I like, and I know there is 1/2 people out there who will be reading it :) So, a big thank you to whoever you are ...
It really bought home as to how different you have become ... Changes happen subtlety; whether you want it to, or not. Revisiting places makes you realise what you have lost and gained. Ultimately, people come and go, but as the song in Wicked said;
"That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn, and we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return"
We can only pray that we have been changed for good ... and for those we have lost, we can always remember all the happiness they have created in our lives, all the goodness they have bought into our worlds, and all the ideas and thoughts they have generated in our heads ...
One thing I do know for certain is that 6 years of medical school has taught me something, as I can finally understand and answer the anatomy questions my old tutor asked! (confession: they were really simple, but hey, it is a start! :)
To those of you who read my blog: A few of you have mentioned the depressing nature of my blog ~ thank you for still reading my little blog, despite the not-so-cheerful content. I don't know why it is so sad sometimes, but I have had a lot on my mind this year, and it reflects that. Writing a blog is ultimately self-indulging, as I can write whatever I like, and I know there is 1/2 people out there who will be reading it :) So, a big thank you to whoever you are ...
05 July 2007
finding out ...
... stuffs is always interesting, but to find something out via an unexpected source (ie. A tells me about B) can actually be quite upsetting. The seeds of doubt are now planted, as you no longer know where you stand, since you cannot comprehend why the people involved never told you themselves directly. Your mind starts to wander and wander and wander ... and somehow you end up being so tangled up that the only course of action you can think of is to avoid them and to expect nothing in return ...
It is a protective mechanism and maybe, just maybe, there is a hint of punishing someone here, since cutting someone out of your live is blatant and cruel ...
So I am not sure what to do ... but to accept what we cannot change/turn the clock back, is one of the hardest things on earth ...
It is a protective mechanism and maybe, just maybe, there is a hint of punishing someone here, since cutting someone out of your live is blatant and cruel ...
So I am not sure what to do ... but to accept what we cannot change/turn the clock back, is one of the hardest things on earth ...
24 June 2007
storm ...
... is raging through London, bringing with it plently of rain and time for reflection ... I also read this line today ~
"storms are a punishment for us so that we should feel the fear of God"
... in the Royal Opera House's summer brochure for "Katya Kabanova" ...
"storms are a punishment for us so that we should feel the fear of God"
... in the Royal Opera House's summer brochure for "Katya Kabanova" ...
21 June 2007
mistakes ..
... are strange strange things ... there are so many levels to it ... some are so trivial that you forget about it the next day (like walking into a lamp-post, picking the wrong sandwiches or just generally getting confused) and may even laugh about it the next day ... but there are some which are serious, coming back to haunt you days/weeks/years later ... you regret it, feel sad, and somehow, your life continues to stay in that position, like a car without petrol ...
... it is hard to know what to do ... but ultimately, I suppose you have to accept that you have made a mistake, leant to forgive yourself, and believe that there is someone else out there who is in control, than just you and your own helplessness ...
... it is hard to know what to do ... but ultimately, I suppose you have to accept that you have made a mistake, leant to forgive yourself, and believe that there is someone else out there who is in control, than just you and your own helplessness ...
12 June 2007
WALL-E ...
... is the name of the next Pixar animation ... and it will not come out until 2008, but it sounds awesome ... I read about it in the Times and I just can't wait to see it ...
It is about this tiny little robort who has been doing his job (collecting rubbish) faithfully for the last 700 years, without knowing what he is on earth really really for ... it does sound like one of us, doesn't it? Wall-e does fall in love with another robort called "Eve", so there is magic and hope in the air ... well, at least in an animation ...
It is about this tiny little robort who has been doing his job (collecting rubbish) faithfully for the last 700 years, without knowing what he is on earth really really for ... it does sound like one of us, doesn't it? Wall-e does fall in love with another robort called "Eve", so there is magic and hope in the air ... well, at least in an animation ...
29 May 2007
the more loving one ...
... by Auden ... my favourite poet of all time ... this poem transports you to a summer night sky with such love and hope, despite the raindrops outside, and the cold ... but at least my psychiatry paper is finally finished ...
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
~ Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
~ Auden
27 May 2007
Whistle for the Choir ...
... by The Fratellis is a pretty amazing song - soooo happy and hopeful ...
"Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I were so bold to say "Would you be mine"?
Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk
So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come
And go you know me no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible
Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do
So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me
Oh your a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible
So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible"
"Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I were so bold to say "Would you be mine"?
Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk
So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come
And go you know me no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible
Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do
So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me
Oh your a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible
So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible"
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