after bank holiday ...

... I went to work and it was such a wonderful feeling to see that all of my patients are still alive. I was quite worried about this lady with leukaemia & neutropenia, and wasn't sure if she would made it through the weekend, but she did :)

This is probably the hardest thing about medicine (for me anyway), as sometimes, no matter what you do; give them 24 hours care, connect them to the most amazing monitors, with ten billions drugs at hands, if someone has to go, they go ...

I shall have another "unknown" moment tomorrow, when I go into the ward, and scan the list of patients, seeing if the usual names are still up there. There is a patient who we are worried about tonight. Contacting the family was heartbreaking this afternoon, as they wanted some definite news from you (ie. will she make it through tonight?). Everyone tried to be reasonable, but in their voices, there was a trace of hope, praying that you would say something positive ...

flowers@the tube ...

… I have been buying flowers for my friends recently (for birthdays, dinners etc), and I get to carry them in the tube :) Tiger Lilly (definitely my favourite!) has such an amazing fragrance … it makes the whole carriage smells so lovely, and all those delays so much more bearable!

smoking ...

... is one of those topics which invokes all sorts of emotions from people. I have friends who will not go out with someone who smoke, some will even split up with them, if their other half becomes a smoker?!?! I personally have no problem with it, as long as it is not in my face, although I am not its strongest fan, given its health implication etc. Yet, I always wonder what do people think about when they are having a fag outside the office etc? They always seem to be deep in thoughts ...

a bad day ...

... today definitely comes close. Maybe a better word to describe is "overwhelming". I have to make some constructive comments to a friend (which didn't go down well at all), failed many times to get an arterial blood gas, rang up a GP surgery 10 millions times, to reach a locum who didn't have a clue about the patient ... To top it off, a patient's family told me off for ages, about some medications not being given over the weekend, when I was off duty ...

So, that is my day ... it is not my happiest day, and at some point, I did feel like crying, but hey, life moves on and tomorrow is another day, as Scarlett O'Hara said :)

family ...

... is a funny business. So complicated ~ apparently 72 different types of family structures exist nowadays. 1/2 marriages in the West end in divorces. I don't know if it is because we all want to be loved in a way that we are not. Looking at my own parents, it is hard to say if they are truly happy with each other; the rows, the disappointments, the pain, the heartaches ... my friends' parents don't seem to fare much better. Yet, the start of each relationship is so full of promises, hopes, love ... what happen to them? just disappear without a trace? Or do we just need to try a little bit harder? Maybe Mother Teresa is right in that "do not think that love to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is love without getting tired".