31 December 2011

Things that makes me smile ...



... is a slightly random list but it will be interesting to have a record (or I am just a data junkie!).


- warmth of sunshine on my face

- snow falling silently

- catching up with books/films/TV/articles under a massive duvet when unwell

- good ice cream/frozen yoghurt, even if it is freezing outside

- cups and cups of green teas

- Japanese food, especially at Sakana-Tei

- travelling; the excitement of seeing the world for the first time ... sunrise at Mount Sinai, the reflectiveness of Mount Fuji, the vastness of Great Ocean Road, a stunning monastery in Portugal, early morning at Taj Mahal, the mist over Sans Francisco, fallen leaves at NYC, the energy at Chicago, thick thick snow in a little town in Russia, dim sum in China, European bridges, stars in Sahara Desert, singing/chanting in beautiful empty Swedish cathedrals, renaissance painting at Florence, the humidity at Vietnam ... this can be endless ...

- anticipation of a secret cinema event

- random, full-of-tangents conversation with friends and loved ones

- love in its various forms

- psychiatry; especially when they are reunited with their loved ones/at peace/smile again

- discovering poems/beauty in unlikely places

- wandering in galleries aimlessly

- being so engrossed in a book/play/ballet/film that it becomes the sole reality (albeit briefly)

- reading the weekend paper at a cosy coffee shop in winter and on the green green grass in summer

- snorkelling and greeting Nemos in crystal blue seas

- walking barefoot on a sandy beaches/lush green grass

- the first bite of a fresh red apple

- boat trips in the sun

- the smell of cookies baking in the oven

- chatting away in a pub with mulled wine/winter pimms

- receiving text messages on a super busy day/when unwell

- having long text conversations with my sister

- writing cards for no apparent reason just because I want to

- finding forgotten love notes

- unexpected kindness from a stranger

- watching films outdoors

- writing illegible postcards while on holiday

- the smell of fresh flowers; in the kitchen, windowsill, garden or countryside ...

- the dawn of finally understanding something after much struggles: be it a solution, a concept, an interpretation, even a mathematical formula ...

- meeting and talking to interesting people at a party

- cello recitals at Wigmore Hall

- a favorite tune playing unexpectedly on the radio

- the sense of relaxation after a facial/massage/exercise

- doing something that makes someone smile; be it stopping the bus while they are running for it, trying to give them some directions by using my iPhone, calling/skyping a friend ...

- the smell of rain on freshly cut grass

- looking at photos, especially holiday snaps of other people with a running commentary on the side

- a sparkling clean flat after spending hours cleaning it (I love cleaning - strange but true ...)

- sleeping-in without setting the alarm, then with nothing planned for the rest of the day

- skinned milk porridge with granola, berries and almonds

- noodles with all of its glorious garnish; be it Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, Taiwanese, soup, fried, sauce ...

- a long bath after a hard day at work

- the feeling of having survived after a set of night shifts with no one dying/being hurt

- listening to love stories, especially the difficult complex ones with happy endings

- being recommended an unknown book/film which turns out I love

- opening the post box every morning (before discovering the bills within)

- beautiful sunflowers at the forensic psychiatric wards (these are grown and cared for by the patients)

- walking in central London late at night when it is bathed in Christmas lights

- slightly chaotic Christmas with family

- an article being finally accepted for publication

- a good therapy session after a hard week

- coming across little things which are perfect for someone

- sitting by a river on a clear summer night

- the smell of my mama's cooking

- emails from my papa

- kicking a pile of fallen leaves (sorry, street sweepers!)

- looking at flickering candles

- Tapping the extra hot crumbles from Le Pain Quotidien

- Making extra thin pancakes in the morning

- falafels at Camberwell especially after a hard consultation

- lobster at Big Easy with my best mate SK

- browsing at Whole Food/farmers markets

- reflecting in a church alone

- the hilarious comments/laughters at The Ritzy

- holding a hot cup of coffee when the morning is cold and way too early


January 2012

- Floating in the ocean with the sun shining

- Collecting seashells

- Trying a new dish and it is simply delicious

- Finding a new cool band

- Watching sunset on the beach

- Binging on sweet, cold watermelons

- Blowing bubbles and watching them float

- Learning new words and finally being able to pronounce them

- Finding a still open M&S after a very late flight

- Finally getting into bed after a hard long day

- Clean sheets on bed

- My friend SAK's amazing baking

- The sense of overwhelming relief after a tricky presentation

- Exploring the wonderful food selection at Japan Centre


February 2012

- Munching on Leon's baked fries

- Stumbling onto some silly but philosophical cartoons/photos/drawing on the world wide web

- Realising that my friend is slowly but surely on the road to recovery

- Being given a ticket to a brilliant exhibition by a complete kind stranger

- Finding the last portion of Wakame Chuka seaweed salads from Japan centre


March 2012

- Waiting for departure as in a few hours' time, you will be wandering in a magical, fairytale liked European city

- revisiting old holiday haunts and recalling some fond memories

- Retrieving my lost iphone because of the goodness of a stranger


April 2012

- Twittering and blogging random information of little interests to others, but myself

- Sending back-and-forth catching up texts with my friends in NYC/DC/Sydney

- Opening my beautiful Fortnum and Mason Easter Egg (and having the best sister ever!)


May 2012

- Booking a city break out of the blue, just because it is raining in London and I want ice-cream

- Receiving my favourite chocolate (Montezuma) unexpectedly

- Being Elmo (the title explains it all)

- Discovering the creative power of art in the midst of suffering ... a group painting of David Hockney by patients at the end of life ...

- Stealing a Top Hat from an awesome party 

- Wearing my battered Birkenstock to work

- Drinking fruity pimms under the lights by Southbank

- Picnic-ing on goodies from the Whole Food store under the beautiful sunshine


June 2012

- Wandering at the ancient Pantheon

- Savouring Italian ice-cream ... (not the men ...)

- Holding a big bag of ice on my face at Sperlonga during a pretty dramatic nosebleed ...


July 2012

- Meeting someone who makes you laugh unexpectedly ...

- Finding a second handed raincoat at the Oxfam shop when the sky broke at Latitude 2012 

- Singing along to my favourite indie bands

- Lying down in the sunshine on a massive field with Ed Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros playing "Home"

- Discovering a beautiful poetry/dance/play at Latitude 2012

- Having a poem written just for you

- Having a hot shower after 5 days of antiseptic wipes existence ...

- Introducing the amazing Pimms to an Italian (who kind of liked it!)

- Waiting for cello music to be played at the British BBC Proms

- Drinking at a pub late at night with friends from everywhere


August 2012

- Trying to finish the never-ending courses of a Swedish tasting menu

- Learning the letter cubes at Southbank changes throughout the year ... 

- Finding fellow Miyazaki fans

- Discovering an apple at the bottom of my bag after a 12 hours shift and I was starving

- Reading lovely messages from my friends/family after my beloved phone was snatched  

- Having Sachertorte (my favourite cake in the world!)

- Realising that Hundertwasserhaus is as magical as I have always imagined

- Outdoor-swimming in a random canal in Vienna

- Bathing in the golden wonders of "Der Kuss" by Gustav Klimt 

- Catching a cab in a torrent of rain 

- Opening boxes after boxes of wonders at Edible cinema while watching "Spirited Away"

- Knowing that my instinct is kind of right afterall ... 

- Enjoying the luxury of working from home

- Staring at disbelief of my feeble attempts at life drawing 

- Heaping feathery snow in the company of Les Studio de Cirque angels


September 2012

- Having meandering, sometimes hilarious, text/what'sapp conversation

- Being engrossed in an unusual grand round at Granta Magazine launch 
- Swirling Framboise Lambic beer at the Dovetail
- Jumping on the train, going somewhere for no apparent reason but only you can, and finding a little country pub along the way with the perfect summer Pimms in the sunshine ...  

October 2012
- Discovering graffiti in an unexpected corner (Haus Schwarzenberg)
- Immersing in the poignant art of Kathe Kollwitz
- Receiving a text greeting of "Happy Birthday" at exactly at midnight ...
- Being baked the Sachertorte (the ultimate chocolate cake)
- Dragging my ever-so-patient friend in the rain to find a dancing place
- Standing in the cold in a magician outfit for the elusive 344
- Magic tricks by someone special at WaterPoet

November 2012
- Looking at West Egg, where Gatsby lived for his beloved Daisy
- Playing the piano at a gallery at the Chelsea Market NYC and encountering ELMO cupcakes!
- Reading beautiful poetry at the massive Strand bookshop
- Twinkling glass sculptures by Jean-Michel Othoniel  
- Co-freeing a car from frozen sand at Rockaway Beach
- Laughing all the way on a train journey from Colchester to London
- Helping two very sweet children with their piano exams
- Admiring the rain in the rain room at the Barbician  

30 December 2011

Why we must struggle ...

is a poem by Kay Ryan, a perfect backdrop for the end of a difficult 2011, while 2012 welcomes us in hope and dreams  ... 


If we have not struggled
as hard as we can
at our strongest
how will we sense
the shape of our losses
or know what sustains
us longest or name
what change costs us,
saying how strange
it is that one sector
of the self can step in
for another in trouble,
how loss activates
a latent double, how
we can feed 

as upon nectar
upon need?

25 December 2011

Hector and the search for happiness ...

... is a book by Francois Lelord chosen by my sister for me to read over Christmas ... Hector does indeed think like a a psychiatrist (especially the part about not being a real doctor and not knowing what to do when someone is ill on a plane). Hector summarised his search for happiness as "the five families of happiness":

- joy, celebration, traveling, being in bed with a woman you desire.
- doing a job you like, wanting to attain a goal.
- feeling contended and wanting that to last ... by comparison with others or with your own past. Or when you don't compare yourself with anything at all!! (I think I agree more with the latter; comparison is a difficult road to take).
- certain way of seeing things. Cultivating your serenity and keeping hold of it whatever happens.
- friendship, mutual love, caring about other people's happiness or unhappiness, feeling useful to others.

I think I need to work on serenity ... well, meanwhile, Happy Christmas 2011! (The radio is now playing East 17's "Stay another day", reminding me of a gorgeous Carol I went to this year).

19 December 2011

Many of Horror ...

… is a song by the rock group Biffy Clyro, with many not-so-good cover versions, but he wrote it for his wife, and there is something magical about the inevitability of “when we collide we come together, if we don’t, we’ll always be apart”. It does sum up a lot of difficult decisions one has to make about a relationship.


You say "I love you boy"
But I know you lie.
I trust you all the same
And I don't know why.

'Cause when my back is turned,
My bruises shine.
Our broken fairytale,
So hard to hide.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Sitting in a wishing hole,
Hoping it stays right.
Feet cast in solid stone,
I got Gilligan's eyes.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.


09 December 2011

The marriage plot ...

... by Jeffrey Eugenides is liked "One Day" for those living in this broken world ... It is about loving someone who is difficult to love and one of questions being asked is ...

"From the books you read for your thesis, and for your article - the Austen and the James and everything - was there any novel where the heroine gets married to the wrong guy and then realises it, and then the other suitor shows up, some guy who's always been in love with her, and then they get together, but finally the second suitor realises that the last thing the woman needs is to get married again, that she's got more important things to do with her life? And so finally the guy doesn't propose at all, even though he still loves her? Is there any book that ends like that? ... But do you think that this would be good? As an ending?"

My answer would be a resounding NO! My patient today told me that her second husband died from heart failure two months ago. Her heart is absolutely shattered but the time they had together was, and still is, the most important thing for her. That, for me, is the real marriage plot.