tomorrow ...

... is the day at which I will start working as a doctor (sorry, it is highly exciting for a medic!). I went in to shadow the doctors today, and it seems like an ideal first job. Care of the Elderly is really slow pace (which doesn't suit my personality!), but it does mean I don't have to rush and can try to do a good job. I think I will need the confidence to know that I can do it?!?! Sometimes, in life, the unexpected nature in which how things turn out is always better than we can ever plan or imagine, showing someone else greater is in charge!

one of those days ...

… at which I didn’t manage to achieve much, but soooo enjoyable. All it involves are catching up with friends, writing cards, reading (a short history of tractors in Ukrainian ~ not bad, very light), listening to my-pretty-awful-music selection (aka Cantonese pop, James Blunt, Coldplay, cello pieces …), tidying up the flat (moving everything from the suitcases into the wardrobes ~ a highly complicated process!), sorting out my photos (and remembering the wonderful times they represent), eat to my heart’s contents …

I should have been at the affiliation ceremony at South Kensington, spending time with my year, celebrating graduation (again?!?), but as my parents are away, there is no obligation to go, and I don’t fancy clapping at least 300 times, and saying “good byes” all over again. It was emotionally draining enough at our final year ball, and to do it again does require a lot of courage, which sadly, I do not have.

So, I hope that the motto for IC medics from the year 2006: “the best portion of a good person’s life; their little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness & love” (Wordsworth)

dashing to a BBQ in a few minutes …

last day @ hong kong ...

... woo ... this is going to be my last ever proper mega long summre holiday, unless I take some time off etc .. and this one has been amazing. I have met some truly original people, saw some amazing sunrise/set & God's creation, been to some interesting restaurants, had endless number of hot-chocolates, on top of random conversations and drives ... it has opened my eyes to many different possibilties of living, and challenged me to re-examine my life and priorities ...

For now, life continues ... since coming back from Melbourne, my London life has been contacting me, and everything is kinda back in track ... hopefully, I will have time to reflect on everything and keep in touch with those who matter ...

can't believe I will be working in a few days' time ... a bit unsure but definitely exciting ...

last day @ sydney ...

... can't believe that I am leaving! The holiay seems to have passed in a mist, but in a good way (soo good that I haven't written my blog at all!). Managed to see quite a bit of Sydney, but didn't try anything outrangeous (sorry, but the water is too freezing cold!!) From the conference itself, I learned a lot (which I suppose must be a good thing), not just about God, being a doctor, but also my own weakness (definitely vital!) and what is important for me ...

So, definitely all worthwhile, and lots of things to reflect on ... but catch my flight to Melbourne for now :)

as times goes by ...

... the song from Casablanca ...

"You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss,
a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo
They still say, "I love you."
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.

Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date.
Hearts full of passion
Jealousy and hate.
Woman needs man
And man must have his mate
That no one can deny.

It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die.
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by."

Oh yes, the world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.

business ...

is such an interesting word! I was trying to write "busy-ness", but it turned out to be "business". Sometimes, English language can be so unpredictable, it is actually unbelieveable! :)

Life has been very hectic, since coming back from Brussels in mid-June ... There were so many errands to run (they have been piling up since revision started), on top of celebrating, filling 10 millions forms for the job, packing etc etc. It all became kinda crazy.

Things didn't really get any better when I arrived at Hong Kong, as there was more errands ... but suddenly, the last few days, I can just read (highly recommend "I capture the castle" by Dodie Smith, not sure about "Dubliners" by James Joyce), watch TV (for those who don't know me, I don't have a TV at my flat in London. So I have been catching up on pop culture ie. "ER", "House", "24"), eat, sleep and take pictures. I will try to pull my act together and write some entertaining blogs (as my last entry is just random!!)

To be honest, this is not really interesting either, but hey, at least it is a start! :)

hong kong ...

... is in the swing of blazing summer heat. I haven't been back for just under three years, and everything seems so different; the sight, the smell, the taste and the people ... everyone is mega efficient (to put it mildly!), and it does make one feel constantly tired, with so many stimulants for your senses.

results ...

... came out today and finally, I am not a medical student anymore. I have somehow managed to pass through the hundle, and am now a doctor. It has been a very long dream (albeit a good one!) and it is mind-blowing when it becomes true.

We also had our medic ball in the evening, and it was amazing but sad. Our last ever student ball (with full on cheese!), last ever being responsibiltiy-free, last ever having days on ends with the sole aim of revising. Seeing all those faces, knowing some whom you may never see again ...

But saying "goodbye" is indeed part of life, and without it, it is hard for "hello" to come by ...

finally ...

... I can think about packing, going away, leaving all of my worries and stresses behind.

I didn't realise how stressed I have been in the past few months, until this morning when I was leaving my flat, and couldn't find my wallet. As I had no cash or ID, I couldn't reach Paddington to sit my last exam. Suddenly, the world literally felt crumpling down, with thoughts of spending another 3 months in the library, reading through endless notes, cramming my head with random facts, thinking about medicine, medicine, medicine ...

Ended up frantically opening every cupboard, box, bag in my flat, and all these times, it has been sleeping peacefully in my cello music drawer. Life is indeed full of surprises, and I reached my last exam on time ...

Results are out on 20th June ... but meanwhile, life begins ...

private vs public worlds ...

... is an interesting concept, but it is definitely true. It is sad in a way, since our culture drives us to attain perfection. We have to be happy, successful, famous, with "sorted" life, or at least, desiring such a life. Or we go to the other extreme, becoming those who do not care, only-live-for-the-moment, trying to be free from the mundate world ...

Again, I am generalising, but hey, maybe for today, when we ask someone "how are you?", we will stop what we are doing, pause, look at them and genuinely listen. Even if they say "I am okay", listen to their tones, the underlying smiles, and maybe, when we are asked in return, we will also examine our own hearts and give a honest answer.

Okay dokey, got surgurical exam tomorrow. Should get back to work, but hey, last exam for this year!

toy story ...

... is such an amazing film. I watched it today, in the blazing heat, instead of the England vs Paraguay game (sorry, but football is really not my cup of tea ... hmm, maybe it is too hot for that today anyway!)

If you are in London and have a spare hour, do go and see the Pixar exhibition at the Sciene Museum. Make sure you look for the 21st century zoetrope, as we nearly missed it (to be honest, it is massive, most people won't miss it!) It is a spinning thing, with all of your favourite Toy Story characters ... and they literally spring into action!

The show was originally showed at MOMA, and as usual, only a quarter of the contents came over the atlantic. Never mind, maybe they picked the highlights :)

Can't wait when "Cars" comes out in the summer ... back to lovely revision!

To be surrounded by beauty ...

... everyday must be amazing. I know someone who works at Christie, and I can only imagine how it feels when you wake up in the morning, after the crazy tube journeys, to be greeted by a painting :) Or being a gardener, working in the fields all day, immenses oneself in the sunshines, rains, and your beloved blossoms ...

Medicine is probably on the opposite side of the scale, as there is tremendous amount of suffering to be witnessed first hand. After all, we are fighting a losing battle, as everyone dies eventually. Yet, the human spirit itself is a beauty; its perseverance in the face of difficulties, trust in the unknown, forgiving the past, hope in the future, all blend into one. Even the tears, the aguish, the fear is something to celebrate, as we journey into the future unknown, hand-in-hand ...

Sometimes ...

... I wish I have the courage to venture into the unknown, to face being vulnerable, to take the first step, to hold a possibility in my hands and believe its potential ...

Why is it so hard? "No" will not be the end of the world, but "never-to-know" is more frustrating, as if letting a butterfly flies by, without admiring its colour ...

Children's talk ...

... I heard the following conversation on the bus on the morning of my first exams for final:

Child A: (pointing to his head) Do you know you have a brain in there?
Child B: Really? I don't believe you.
Child A: Really. You will have a brain, as long as you believe there is a brain in there.

So true. A lot of times, to have faith is just to take that small step (to believe in the unknown), and you are there ...

Life is so simple from a child's point of view sometimes. We, adults, do complicate things (for better or worse).

Wordsworth ...

... And, when the stream
Which overflowed the soul was passed away,
A consciousness remained that it had left,
Deposited upon the silent shore
Of memory, images and precious thoughts
That shall not die, and cannot be destroyed.

revision panic ...

... has finally descended. I was reading The Times about a wife witnessing her husband's sudden death. He died from a very rare heart condition (hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy), and instead of reading the moving account, I sat on the tube, trying to figure out the symptoms and signs for HOCM?! (For the medics amoung you: jerky carotid pulse, double apical pulsation - yes, that one!)

Then, I saw myself on the CCTV and wondered "who is that girl with the same hair and bag as me?"

Do I need to say any more? Only 6 days to go until finals kick off ...

a hole ...

... was found in my umberlla today when London was bathing in rain. I have been happily using it, shading me from the rain, without realising its existence. There are also posters "We need to talk" (promoting the book "We need to talk about Kevin") all over the tube. Somehow, they become connected in my little brain and got me thinking. In our society today, we value "talking", "expressing our emotions" etc tremendously, but is it possible for us to over-express ourselves? ie. by focusing our energy so much on the problem, we become lost within its mist, and maybe even drown in it ...

Of course, as the advert said "it is good to talk", but maybe it will be better to talk about the positive things. As for the negatives, maybe somehow, they will flow away or become less important, if we begin to see the goodness around us, even the rain can be refreshing.

what to wear ...

... is usually a question one thinks for dates etc, but there is a current debate among the medical students as to whether they should wear a suit to the practical exam. I don't know whether the debate is just an other subtle manifestation of the current panic which has descended among us. Personally I won't wear a suit, as I don't want to?!?! (is that a good enough reason?) To be honest, being a sheep, I shall probably change my mind in 3 weeks' time (when it comes to the crunching point!) Sometimes, it is sad how "unprinicipled" I am/can become ...

goodness and "nice" ...

... is there any difference betweeh them? For me, they are worlds apart, in that I know a lot of "nice people" but they are not necessarily "good". You can be "nice" for lots and lots of reasons, but for me, being "good" means that you have no alternative motive for your actions. It always seem so hard to find people who are good within ... (I know that "nice" is an overused words etc, but we won't enter that argument).

"Unless" by Carol Shields deals with the issues of goodness superbly.

catching ...

... a star would have been fun last night. Or something slightly less impossible, a flick (X-men is out in 2 weeks' time!), but instead, I caught the wrong bus, went in the completely opposite direction, and to top it off, I didn't realise until we reached the end terminal. You will be pleased to hear that I was actually going home, via a route which I have taken at least 10 times ...

hmm, where is there to say? but ... hmm ...